Goodbye Love - mwahaha, another one =]

There is more than one type of love. It is true; it is a well known fact. One has love for their family – or at least, should have love for their family. They have love for their husband or wife or boyfriend or girlfriend. But these are two different types of love. One has love for their friends – a love that you can share with no one else. And you can love your pets.

I have had a closed heart for most of my life. I’ve had to, so that I didn’t get hurt when my father favoured Nessa and Shell, when he all but allowed me to grow up on my own. I think he loved me, in some ways, but he saw me also as a punishment. I’ve had to stop myself from hurting when people stare at me and laugh at me. At first I pretended it didn’t hurt me but it did. It cut me to the bone. I was different and therefore unacceptable. But after frequent jibes and hints to just how weird I was, my heart broke and nothing hurt me anymore. Nothing could pierce my armour.

Until I went to Shiz. Until I met people I could call my friends for the first time – namely Galinda – Glinda – and Boq.

I could count my friends only on the fingers of one hand – Nessa, Pfannee and Shenshen weren’t on my list of friends – but the friends I did have were true, close friends. They looked past the colour of my skin and deep into me, where a soul should be. They ignored my fear of being loved and gradually I opened up to them and loved them in return.

Love has so many meanings. For some, it can mean obsession with a certain thing – or person. It can mean infatuation, which is much the same thing. It can mean deep and sincere respect between two people – of the same sex, or of opposite sexes. It can mean a close bond between friends, or between ‘lovers’. To suggest that you can only love one person is wrong, and I found this out.

Fiyero came. He was another novelty – blue diamonds on brown skin. He was almost as different as me, although his diamonds were tattoos. My skin wasn’t so easy to get over. But slowly, he moved into our group and we accepted him. He was nice. I thought nothing more of him.

We said our goodbyes the night before I took Glinda to the Emerald City. Something told me that that would be the last night I would see all my friends together. Glinda was furious.

“I want to go to the Philosophy Club.”

“No, you little idiot, we have no time to waste on sex.”

Hurt and bewildered, Glinda followed me slowly back to Shiz, before overtaking swiftly and marching away in a sulk. I watched her go and turned back to the direction of the town. I raised my hand and smiled gently, pushing back the tears that threatened to form. “Goodbye loves.” I felt my heart begin to close. I felt myself begin to force the world away from me. “Goodbye loves.”

The Wizard was very different to how I supposed he would be. To some extent, he reminded me of me and it scared me. He was closed and cold, just like I can be. And once more, the world began to move away from me. My heart was mending and it hurt. It hurt me to find that the Wizard was behind the prejudice against Animals. This was why I didn’t want a soul and denied myself the luxury. Because having a soul meant that I would be affected by whatever I found. I felt betrayed by the man I once looked up to and my heart began to close.

My beliefs in the Wizard were gone. The Wizard had been one of the steady characters I could look up to and I adored him. Yet that adoration that grew over several years was gone within seconds.

“Hurry Glinda.” I passed her some food and some water and kissed her cheek gently in farewell. “I’m staying. You’re going to go back to Shiz and carry on with your life. Forget about me. Go back to the people you fit in with. Goodbye my sweet. You were the best friend I ever had.” And I turned and hurried away, hating myself for Glinda’s sobs behind me and then despising myself all the more for I had turned away to hide my lack of tears rather than to hide tears. It was half closed now, my heart, it was half closed, never to open fully again. I glanced back over my shoulder and saw her watching me. I lifted a hand and smiled weakly. “Goodbye love. Goodbye.”

- - - - -

All these years of work and nothing has come of it. I have failed my assignment and am no more use to the organisation. I arrive at the door of my ‘home’ and gasp in shock. Malky has been nailed… attached to the door in some way. I run inside, shocked and hoping… just hoping that Fiyero hadn’t come to my home.

There. A shape in the corner. I hurry to its side and kneel. It is him. It’s my love.

“Call me Fae.”

Not a dismissal. I allowed him through my high barriers. I was not closed to the world. Not yet. Fae and Yero – we were well matched. We are well matched.

I put my ear to his mouth and listen for a breath. There is none. He is dead. I knew it. His hand trails in blood and I lift it from the red pool on the floor and cross his arms on his chest. I touch his cheek and close his cold, staring eyes. I touch his mouth, remembering the kisses he has given me from them, the conversations we have had. I catch a tear from my eye though it burns my finger and wipe it on his lips.

I kiss him. I kiss his cold lips and feel the passion that was one contained within them. I kiss his forehead, allowing the cool skin to consume me with grief. But I do not cry. With this final event, my heart closes. I have no soul, no feelings to contend with any longer. I sit up and touch his lips one final time.

“Goodbye love. Goodbye love.”

I slump against the wall.

“Goodbye.”

That made me feel sad :( It's so good!